With my Heart in My Hand, Con el Corazon en la Mano

Everyday I show up to work, I do my best to give it my best shot.  Some days I show up and "think" I'm ready when really I'm not.  I'm tired of making excuses for myself because there is no reason I shouldn't come prepared and ready to go. Furthermore, I owe it to them to come ready, alive, and enthusiastic about my passion and mission - TO EMPOWER PEOPLE. Honestly, some days are tougher than others to fulfill my mission. Sometimes I want to give up, but that little part inside that outweighs all of my other fears, refuses to let me give up. 10/13/11.

I Don't Get It

Some days I feel the emotion is there, but other days I feel abandoned and let down. I do my best to give it my best at all times and it doesn't seem to make a difference, at least from my point view. Call me wrong or a liar, but these are simply my honest thoughts and feelings to the current state of affairs. Sometimes the void between feels cold, distant, and indifferent. In fact, some days I wake up very confused that I just want to throw in the towel. But that little voice inside my head won't let me rest, won't let me give up without a good fight. And I always wonder, how did it get to this? I reminisce about the days before hearts broke over disappointment. Oh how those were the happiest of times! Where are those smiles? those hugs? those emotions? that affection? A wise person once told me that we can't go back to what we were, but that we can only move forward. I want to move forward, but if that's not possible, then I must set you free like the butterfly, "Spread your wings and prepare to fly, for you have become a butterfly, fly abandonedly into the sun, if you should return to me, we truly were meant to be, so spread your wings and fly BUTTERFLY." So what's it going to be? THAT IS THE QUESTION.

Mariah Carey's "Butterfly"

Blog Readers! :)

To my fellow Blog Readers:

I have not forgotten about you! LoL! I have some blogs to post, just have not had the chance to post any recently. Now that I'm back in California, I will definitely have more time to post my thoughts and words of inspiration. Thank you for following along faithfully and for checking in often to see if I have posted a thought or two. Sending you lots of love, hugs, and positive energy your way!

God Bless America!

Always CAPTIVATING

Today I decided to take my iPod out of the shadows and listen to the beats being hummed into my ears. As I sit here and wait, many of the songs bring back memories of love, friendship, and independence. It's a blessing to know I am loved and that I am able to share my love and passion with everyone around me. For example, "Dreaming of You" reminds me of the ways I can fall asleep and dream about being embraced, loved, and cherished by the one I love. Then there is another song that empowers women by deconstructing all those stereotypes about women. The song is called "Yo No Soy Esa Mujer" ("I'm not that Woman"). In the song, the artist Paulina Rubio describes herself as being that girl that is not going to stop being herself just because you told her to. She's not going to stop being the woman she is just because you are a man. After listening to the song, I felt empowered and told myself to follow my dreams no matter the cost. But then "Bleeding Love" reminded me of the heartbreak I will experience in doing so. It's important to be strong, while at the same time recognizing and embracing my weaknesses. I used to think my tears were my biggest weakness, but I have come to embrace them as my strength. Through my tears I cleanse my soul of my biggest fears, my anguish, and my pain. Then again, I also share immense joy, love, and happiness through my tears. With or without a broken heart I will always be bleeding love. In fact, I look up to the one I aspire to be like, JESUS. Only he hasn't let me down and he's the one who truly embraces me for who I am and pushes me to go for it, to fulfill my purpose and mission in life. It's no wonder why after "Bleeding Love" Jesus reminded me that he will always be there to mend the broken pieces through the song "Your Love is Extravagant." He has definitely CAPTIVATED my heart. I'm in love with those that have made a positive impact in my life, but I am most in love with the one that always CAPTIVATES my heart, OFFERS me an intimate friendship, and FORGIVES my sins - JESUS. My heart jumps for joy because "It's Always Been You" Jesus. I love because he loved us. So today my friend I want to remind you that YOU'RE WORTH IT and that you're always CAPTIVATING. Have a blessed day everyone!

"What matters to you in life? Are you spending your valuable time in what matters? Do not follow someone else's dreams, don't just wander through life, and don't just go with society's flow. You were meant for more. Do everything with a purpose of your own... Clearly define where you want to go in life." -Jorge Raziel Ortiz, FB Post 7/8/11

Song Credits:

1. "Dreaming of You" - Selena
2. "Yo No Soy Esa Mujer" - Paulina Rubio
3. "Bleeding Love" - Leona Lewis
4. "Your Love is Extravagant" - Casting Crowns
5. "It's Always Been You" - Chris August

Inside the School of Education at the University of Michigan - Ann Arbor

Flexibility At Its Best

Writing in my blog while working has not been so easy. I mean, there is only so much free time I have. As much as I would have loved to write everyday, I can't. Work has been crazy, but totally worthwhile. This is where flexibility matters. Even though there's a schedule and we should stick to it, we can't for the reason that some unforeseen circumstance always comes up. We should always remember to be flexible in every situation. For some of us this is the biggest challenge we'll face. As much as we like structure, sometimes it's not possible to keep up with the latest trends. I mean, we're only human. However, flexibility tests our character and helps us grow and mature. Today I definitely lost my mind because I was impatient and refused to be flexible. I even cried. But what is the point of complaining? When I stop and reflect on all that I'm surrounded by, I realize how blessed I really am. In our bouts of complaints and frustration, it is easy to forget how much we have to be grateful for. While we cannot control everything in our lives, we can definitely take initiative to change our lives in a more positive direction. The following quote definitely resonates in our lives: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Sometimes we need things like this to remind us of our purpose in life. Let's continue living up to our purpose. God bless your night!

CHAOS!

Crazyness & Havoc in the midst of Awesomeness full of Outrageous Screams

That seems to best describe my life for the next few weeks. As someone described it, "It's the toughest job you'll ever have that you'll love." I am very confident in my abilities to give it my best shot, but I still can't help feeling a little scared. I'm sure once the madness begins, it will all settle down and before you know it, I'll be packing my bags to fly home. It has been one chaotic week filled with lots of memories from the experiences I have had so far. Washington DC is amazing and I look forward to exploring the city as much as I can during my free time. At this time I feel very blessed with the opportunity I have been given. I hope and pray that I make the most of it. On another note, I am glad I don't miss home as much as I thought I would! LoL! I definitely miss everyone, but this is definitely going to be a great summer. Take care and God bless! Love you all and see you at home in 20 days! :)

SIGMA LAMBDA GAMMA STRIVES TO BE THE PREMIER ORGANIZATION COMMITTED TO PROVIDING A MECHANISM OF EMPOWERMENT TO ALL WOMEN

This past weekend sisters from all over the nation gathered to participate in the biannual Sisterhood Retreat 2011, The Ultimate Challenge! At retreat we were dared to change and dared to be different by reflecting on our life both as a Woman of Distinction and as a Woman. One of the toughest things about change is recognizing that we need it in order to move forward. Change does not only apply to our sisterhood, but to our lives as well. I was blessed with the opportunity to be a retreat facilitator and it was certainly what I expected: a very moving and empowered experience. We all gathered as sisters and shared with one another our experiences, our thoughts, our words. No matter how far or near we are, we share some very similar stories. It is a blessing to know that I can visit any part of the country and at least one sister will volunteer to host me at their home. Moreover, I walked away from retreat knowing that we are all WOMEN OF DISTINCTION. One of the things that I encouraged my group of sisters, the PINK ROSES, to do is to be different by fulfilling their dreams and their goals. In fact, I posed the question, " What do YOU want to do?" Just as my sisters and I encouraged one another to step out of the shadows and embrace our mission, I too encourage you to embrace your dreams and follow them unto the path of empowerment. We all need to empower one another in order to ensure that we fulfill our life missions and purposes. I believe in you, I know you can do it. Don't give up as this is only the beginning. It will get harder, but I guarantee that all of your sweat, blood, and tears will pay off in the end. So today I dare you to be different by empowering someone around you. You may just make someone's day. HERMANAS POR VIDA, SISTERS FOR LIFE.

Summer Solstice

On this very beautiful day, my Gamma Daughter and I traveled to Michigan. We woke up very early the next morning to catch our bus that would take us to Michigan from Chicago. Since she and I do not really see each other, it was logical that neither of us were really quite during our bus ride. I hope we did not annoy people with our very interesting conversations about the Empowerment of Women of Distinction. After being on the bus for about four hours, we finally arrived in Michigan and easily found our way to the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor campus where a Beta Chapter Sister expected our arrival. It was a great feeling to realize that you have a big familia no matter where you go. With open arms she welcomed us into her office and even introduced us to some of her coworkers. One of her coworkers even took the time to tell us of touristy places that we could visit to familiarize and acquaint ourselves with Beautiful Ann Arbor. Honestly, the minute I set foot on campus and on the city, I FELL IN LOVE. It was something I could not explain because I did not come with a purpose to Michigan, I just came to visit. In fact, the University of Michigan Museum of Art is where it all began. Thanks to my partner in crime, my Daughter Vilina!, my week of Empowerment began while observing the exhibitions in the museum. For instance, the Lotus Relief grows from murky depths and blossoms "majestically above the surface of the water. Buddhist believe that like the Lotus, the human mind can develop the virtues of the Buddha and transcend desires and attachments to reveal its essentially pure nature" (Buddhist Exhibition, University of Michigan Museum of Art). It is such a powerful quote because we can so much when we make use of all of our talents. We should all strive to live for something and transcend our desires to become those dreams we make into a reality. When we do not have a reason to define our existence, that is when we get lost in our reality and see nothing more than a plain and simple life. However, we can all lead and live simple, humble lives with a purpose. Earlier this year 2011 I did not understand nor yet realize my purpose for being on this earth. After reading a book that changed my life, God revealed himself to me by revealing my purpose for my life: to lead a humble life by empowering people to become the best person they can be for themselves and for the planet. Then tonight I received another wake up call: defend your dreams, thoughts, goals, and beliefs to the fullest. Tonight I was able to share some of my deepest thoughts with a friend who believes in me and encouraged me to fight the good fight. I will not lie, I kind of gave up on myself and did not see myself going beyond what I already know. The fear of the unknown definitely gave way to me giving up on my heart's truest desires. I laughed and cried about my unusual situation, but I hope that no matter how or near I am, I will have your support. I'm scared, but like a great friend told me, courage kicks in when you go through with something when you are scared. So today I encourage to have faith and courage to follow your heart's truest desires.

CHICAGO!!!

As with any place I visit, it is all surreal to me! For some reason, I feel like I'm still in California, but up North. Then again, I'm not. I will say this: I am not as excited about Chicago as I was about New York. I fell in love with New York and I feel that nothing compares to it, I mean, what can compare to the city that never sleeps? LoL! Besides that, I realize there is plenty to see in Chicago, I just don't know what. I guess my Daughter Wendy and I will figure it out over time... that is, the week that we are here! LoL! We both arrived to safely to the windy city, Chi-town, even though I may have experienced some delays on my flights. For some reason, my Continental flights left late. It was a good thing my first one left a few minutes later because I actually almost missed my flight! LOL! Furthermore, the Royal F.I.R.M. Fam Bam gave us a nice welcome to the Windy City and I'm glad that we were able to get in touch with people who can show us around. Special shout out to my Soror Perlita "Soldis" Carrillo from the NAughty Nu Alpha Chapter @ USC (GO BRUINS!) for hosting us. Chicago: here we come! This FIERCE! duo will EMPOWER and AMAZE you beyond belief. Peace & Love everyone! :)

One Bittersweet Ending to a New Beginning

Today is my last day at work and I feel a sense of relief, joy, and nostalgia all at the same time. It was and wasn't a nice surprise to know first thing this morning that our day would be less than perfect. Nonetheless, it is indeed a very beautiful day outside today. I am hoping I can still teach today, even though my brain is already on vacation mode, LOL! Today is definitely a celebration of this past year's triumphs, successes, and challenges. Even though it's my last day working for the county, it certainly is not the last time they will see or hear from me. In fact, everything seems so surreal that it still hasn't hit me that I will be unemployed this upcoming fall when I do my student teaching. Furthermore, I will take all that I have learned to transform the lives of my future students. Mother nature is such a beautiful thing and it can certainly teach you to have respect for everything we've been blessed with. It can also teach you to develop a love, passion, peace, and warmth for the environment. It's amazing how much you can appreciate and cherish something once you learn about it. So today I invite you to learn more about your surroundings, especially when it comes to learning about the history of the place you live in. When you know the purpose and reason for the existence of something (i.e. the significance of the name of your city), you will want to embrace it more and not let go. Don't let go of your dreams because this is only the beginning.

Stepping Stones

The Dalmation Firefighter =)

Job security can make one easily get comfortable in their position. Sometimes you don't even stop to think of how fortunate you are for having held on to your job for so long with no layoffs. In fact, I really thought we were "safe" from all of the perils and crisis that comes with a collapsing economy. It did not dawn on me until today that the funding will not be there next year. I guess I am not so worried about it because I am leaving to do my student teaching in the fall. It's so disappointing to know that you may not have a job next school year that it almost makes you not care about how you finish your day - you just want to finish. I can't help but feel bad, feel responsible for all that has happened. However, none of us were counting on things to change this soon, this fast. It came out of nowhere, like that pedestrian that walks in front of the car without warning. You may notice that at times when you grow complacent you are called to change your usual routine and embrace something new. That is what I feel is kind of happening to our program. It will definitely undergo some changes that may or may not dictate it's future. Since the beginning I have always seen this program as an opportunity for growth and something that will catapult me into success. Although it was my hard work and energy that finally moved me into applying for a teaching credential, it all started with a spark of hope that was fed daily by the supportive and positive people that surrounded me daily in this position. I will always remember everything that I have learned from all of you. Believe it or not, you have impacted my life in ways that I could not have imagined. For example, you helped me feel more comfortable in my skin and accept the real me. I should not be shy because I have so much to offer. So thank you for touching my life and for allowing me to do the same for you. I cannot promise to always stay in touch, but I will definitely do my best to update you with the most important events in my life. Moreover, with the current economic climate and job security, it seems a lot easier to give up than to keep trying. All it takes is hope, faith, and love to provide you with an opportunity of a lifetime that will transform you and catapult you to become and embrace the REAL YOU. Even if you were to lose your job today, always remember that it was probably a stepping stone into getting you to where you are meant to be. Don't get to comfortable in one place because that is your big hint to change or move on. Dear friend, don't give up because you are almost there. :)