About two months ago I made one of the toughest, most emotional, and most mature decisions that I have ever made. Some days are tougher than others and this is the first time that I openly discuss what has happened to me behind closed doors. I also felt God encouraged me to write my testimony and share it with the world. My mission in life to empower people to be the best authentic version of themselves is my drive and motivation to constantly strive to give it my very best.
During mass on Sunday, I had one of the biggest breakthroughs since the day I made my decision. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus instructs the Twelve and sent them out two by two to spread the Gospel, drive out demons, and heal the sick. The Twelve were only allowed to carry a walking stick, the tunic they wore, and the sandals on their feet. Jesus, however, did not instruct the Twelve on what to say to the people they met along the way. Instead, the Twelve only had their faith to rely on to get them through their journey. The best thing that Jesus could have told the Twelve was not to carry anything and sometimes that is the best thing that we can do when we travel. Sometimes when we travel through our own personal journeys, we collect
baggage along the way. In fact, that baggage can get in the way of the
blessings that come our way.
And then it hit me: when I was twelve, I fell truly, madly, deeply head over heels for my first love. He became my world and I easily fell into this "fantasyland" that our relationship would survive anything and everything. I would soon find out that controlling your significant other to get them to do what you want is not conducive to a good healthy relationship. According to my peers, whom I believed and whose advice I sometimes followed to the tee, the best way to keep your boyfriend in check and to keep him from cheating on you was to control his every move. My reality check came the day he broke my heart when he broke up with me. Nothing made sense and as a result, I cried for days and hurt for years. I never let that part of my past go and instead I attempted to move on from my past hurt through relationships and by engaging in flirtatious behaviors with others.
What I am trying to say is that I have been lugging around some of the heaviest emotional baggage for years and in order for me to truly move forward, I need to let go and forgive my past hurts. Due to our stubborn nature, we sometimes learn from the hurt we experience. My past has certainly humbled me and I will always remember those valuable life lessons. However, I will not let my past haunt, taunt, control, or dictate my future because my past has no business in my present. That part of me is officially over because today is a new day, a new opportunity to seize the day to reach my goals.
Someone asked me my plan of action in moving forward with my life in order to continue to learn, grow, and love myself. Thus, today I share with you what I have been attempting to do these past few weeks and what I will do as I continue to live my life in the way God intended me to live:
- Release my past hurt through my tears and forgive myself to move forward.
- Allow God's love to heal me through prayer.
- Write my thoughts in efforts to share my story of love, hope, and forgiveness.
- LET GO, MOVE FORWARD, AND LET NOT MY PAST HAUNT ME.
- Accept that I will make mistakes along the way.
- Accept that temptation will make attempts to deter me away from my goals.
- LOVE MYSELF AND SHARE MYSELF WITH OTHERS.
- Continue to improve myself in order to be the best I can be TO AND FOR ALL OF MY LOVED ONES, INCLUDING AND ESPECIALLY FOR MY HEART.
- Recognize that I cannot travel this journey on my own and that I will need all the help, love, and support of my loved ones.
I recognize that my flirtatious behavior has brought nothing but trouble and I want to move forward from that. All I need is God's graceful and merciful love in order to embrace and love myself for who I am. I also recognize my need to surround myself with positive and healthy relationships that will help guide and lead the way to my bright future. My ultimate leader, role model, and the person I aspire to be more like is Jesus. If I have made it this far it has been thanks to God's grace. I am forever grateful to you LORD.
Sometimes breakthroughs occur in the most unexpected moments. I am grateful indeed for the opportunity to write and share my story with you. I recognize that in order for me to truly move forward and accept God's blessings, I need to clear the clutter to make way for all of the wonderful things God has planned. I have hope that I will find my HEART and that my HEART will find me. To my HEART: persevere because I believe in YOU, ME, US.
Over the next few weeks, I will document my growth by sharing my story of hope. May it inspire you to reach greater heights and to share my story with those around you.
P.s. Thank you Rachel Luna for providing the inspirational posters that inspired me to write this entry! Check her out at The Tailor Made Life!
