Emotionally Exhausted

I have a dream

That one day

We're gonna work it out

"I Have A Dream"

Common featuring Will.i.am

For the first time I will admit to my own face that I have had better days.  In other words, I had a bad day; probably the worst of all the days since I was given my assignment.  I'm so overwhelmed and today I wanted to resign; FOR REALS! However, if I give up on my students, I will more than likely do what other people have done to most of them, which is walk out of their lives.  At the "tender" age of 14, many of them have had some of the worst reality checks that any human being can bear to experience.  People walking out on them; some may have never met one or both of their parents; homelessness and hunger; some may live with a relative that is not their parent; family immigration status in America; and some act up because no one has given them the opportunity to demonstrate their full potential, just to name a few of the things that some of my students are up against. Because structure is often non-existent in their lives, they resist it with all of their might.

I am determined to give them hope, peace of mind, security, and love through the structure I will build upon in my class.  But I'm not going to lie: I'm getting lazy because I would much rather sleep than think/stress about ways to make this a truly engaging and meaningful experience for us all. I'M NOT GIVING UP; I WILL PERSEVERE BECAUSE I AM A RESILIENT HUMAN BEING.

P.s. I watched "The Freedom Writers Diary" starring Hilary Swank in efforts to reignite my passion for teaching. There's a reason why God planted and embedded this seed deep within my heart. I will continue to hope and act upon all that I learn through my lessons, as well as through the feedback that I receive. It is time to get real and let my students know that because I care, I will not let them fail or do whatever they please in my class.  On the contrary, we will learn from each other and get through it together.  That is what a family is all about and a strong resonating theme embedded in the inspiration behind the diaries of The Freedom Writers.

Greetings Familia!

Greetings Everyone!

I have not had the time to update my blog as often as I can because... I HAVE A JOB TEACHING 8TH GRADE ENGLISH LANGUAGE ARTS! The position has definitely forced me to step out of my comfort zone and trust God with the blessings he will bring upon my life.  It has been a tough emotional roller coaster, but I will not give just yet... or ever. Thank you to those of you who have been supportive of my journey as an educator. This is the beginning of my teaching career and God is just getting started. I am excited, nervous, hopeful, and human about my experience thus far. I will do my best to take advantage of the opportunities that God prepares and puts in my life. I pray that all turns out as it should and that with his blessing, I move forward with my life and with my educational pursuits to fulfill my mission. My challenge to you is to let God pave and lead the way for you. He has already prepared the blessings he desires to give you, but the question remains: how bad do you want it? A part of having faith is trusting God with your life, with your every being. He will never cease to amaze you, especially in our weakest points because that is when he strengthens our characters the most. Let him come into your life and you'll see what happens. Have a blessed day everyone!

Breakthroughs

About two months ago I made one of the toughest, most emotional, and most mature decisions that I have ever made. Some days are tougher than others and this is the first time that I openly discuss what has happened to me behind closed doors. I also felt God encouraged me to write my testimony and share it with the world. My mission in life to empower people to be the best authentic version of themselves is my drive and motivation to constantly strive to give it my very best.

During mass on Sunday, I had one of the biggest breakthroughs since the day I made my decision. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus instructs the Twelve and sent them out two by two to spread the Gospel, drive out demons, and heal the sick. The Twelve were only allowed to carry a walking stick, the tunic they wore, and the sandals on their feet. Jesus, however, did not instruct the Twelve on what to say to the people they met along the way. Instead, the Twelve only had their faith to rely on to get them through their journey. The best thing that Jesus could have told the Twelve was not to carry anything and sometimes that is the best thing that we can do when we travel. Sometimes when we travel through our own personal journeys, we collect baggage along the way. In fact, that baggage can get in the way of the blessings that come our way.

And then it hit me: when I was twelve, I fell truly, madly, deeply head over heels for my first love. He became my world and I easily fell into this "fantasyland" that our relationship would survive anything and everything. I would soon find out that controlling your significant other to get them to do what you want is not conducive to a good healthy relationship. According to my peers, whom I believed and whose advice I sometimes followed to the tee, the best way to keep your boyfriend in check and to keep him from cheating on you was to control his every move. My reality check came the day he broke my heart when he broke up with me. Nothing made sense and as a result, I cried for days and hurt for years. I never let that part of my past go and instead I attempted to move on from my past hurt through relationships and by engaging in flirtatious behaviors with others.

What I am trying to say is that I have been lugging around some of the heaviest emotional baggage for years and in order for me to truly move forward, I need to let go and forgive my past hurts. Due to our stubborn nature, we sometimes learn from the hurt we experience. My past has certainly humbled me and I will always remember those valuable life lessons. However, I will not let my past haunt, taunt, control, or dictate my future because my past has no business in my present. That part of me is officially over because today is a new day, a new opportunity to seize the day to reach my goals.

Someone asked me my plan of action in moving forward with my life in order to continue to learn, grow, and love myself. Thus, today I share with you what I have been attempting to do these past few weeks and what I will do as I continue to live my life in the way God intended me to live:

• Release my past hurt through my tears and forgive myself to move forward.
• Allow God's love to heal me through prayer.
• Write my thoughts in efforts to share my story of love, hope, and forgiveness.
• LET GO, MOVE FORWARD, AND LET NOT MY PAST HAUNT ME.
• Accept that I will  make mistakes along the way.
• Accept that temptation will make attempts to deter me away from my goals.
• LOVE MYSELF AND SHARE MYSELF WITH OTHERS.
• Continue to improve myself in order to be the best I can be TO AND FOR ALL OF MY LOVED ONES, INCLUDING AND ESPECIALLY FOR MY HEART.
• Recognize that I cannot travel this journey on my own and that I will need all the help, love, and support of my loved ones. 

I recognize that my flirtatious behavior has brought nothing but trouble and I want to move forward from that. All I need is God's graceful and merciful love in order to embrace and love myself for who I am. I also recognize my need to surround myself with positive and healthy relationships that will help guide and lead the way to my bright future. My ultimate leader, role model, and the person I aspire to be more like is Jesus. If I have made it this far it has been thanks to God's grace. I am forever grateful to you LORD.

Sometimes breakthroughs occur in the most unexpected moments. I am grateful indeed for the opportunity to write and share my story with you. I recognize that in order for me to truly move forward and accept God's blessings, I need to clear the clutter to make way for all of the wonderful things God has planned. I have hope that I will find my HEART and that my HEART will find me. To my HEART: persevere because I believe in YOU, ME, US.

Over the next few weeks, I will document my growth by sharing my story of hope. May it inspire you to reach greater heights and to share my story with those around you.

P.s. Thank you Rachel Luna for providing the inspirational posters that inspired me to write this entry! Check her out at The Tailor Made Life!

Greetings!

It certainly has been a while since I  last wrote, but alas I will finally share my thoughts and ideas with all of you. Some very exciting things lie ahead for me, one of which is my teaching career. One of my dreams will come true very soon and I hope to share with you my experiences of a new teacher, as well as a lesson of the day. By the latter I mean that I will share something I taught my students, something they taught me, or both. Thank you for all of the love and support that you have given me all this time and I hope you continue to follow me with your love and guidance wherever I go. Now is the time that I need it the most. Lastly, pray for me so that I may continue on the path that God has laid out for me to follow. Thank you very much and have a blessed day!

P.s. Feel free to comment on this post with ideas or suggestions for my next blog entry. After all, I was EMPOWERED to EMPOWER you to become the best AUTHENTIC version of yourself. ;)

P.s.s. Follow me on Twitter @AlitzaFIERCE

Peace & Love,

Alitza! FIERCE!